SONY IN AN HOUR, MY PREDICTIONS

"PanchoVilleneuve ST" (PanchoVilleneuve)
06/15/2015 at 20:13 • Filed to: Gamelopnik

Since the PS4 is the console I actually own this gen, and I pay more attention to Sony than the others since I’d like to validate my purchase, I’m knowledgable enough about what’s due to come out to make predictions that I’m very confident about. Also I’m a fanboy Gran Turismo changed my life more than anything else in my 33 years on this planet fuck you.

So, here we go:

The opener will be either be a new gameplay demo of Uncharted 4 or the first trailer for a new God of War.

Ratchet and Clank will be demoed on stage, look amazing and get the gaming press super exited for like a minute before they realize that nobody plays mascot platformers that don’t have Mario in them anymore, and Insomniac is wasting their time making what will be considered a movie tie-in, at which point the crowd reaction cools significantly

While talking about PSN/PSPlus they’ll start talking about the Playstation community, mentioning GT Academy as a unique experience provided by Playstation, and they’ll do some kind of “speaking of Gran Turismo” and announce Gran Turismo 7.

They’ll announce at least two new TV shows in addition to the already confirmed season 2 of Powers. They will also spend way too much time on this.

They will announce new markets for Playstation Vue, thinking that unavailability is why subscribers are so low, and not the fact that it’s a replacement for cable TV that costs as much as cable TV while offering fewer channels, because they either don’t realize or don’t care that live TV over the internet would be huge if they priced it comparably to how VoIP is priced compared to actual phone service. And again, they will spend way too much time on this.

They’ll announce free games on PSNow for PSPlus subscribers, which will not be accompanied by any professionally prepared promotional materials, just the Plus and Now logos on the screen behind whomever announces it. It will feel like lots of Japanese businessmen were woken up in the middle of the night while the parts of corporate that are currently in the states were all like OH GOD WHAT DO WE DO WHAT DO WE DO WHAT DO WE DO WHY DID WE USE A SUPERCOMPUTER ARCHITECTURE THAT FUNCTIONS TOTALLY DIFFERENTLY TO ANY OTHER HARDWARE THAT PLAYS GAMES SO PS3 EMULATION ISN’T A POSSIBILITY FUCK SHIT FUCK after Microsoft announced backwards compatability and this was the quick and easy way to one-up the competition in that area. It will feel that way because that is exactly what happened.

The Vita will only be mentioned as part of cross-buy for games that are also on PS4.

They’ll announce a PS4 with a 1tb hard drive. It will be a hardware revision with several minor changes they won’t mention since they aren’t important. There will be a bundle, with a console and controller that are a new, exclusive color. 75% chance that it’s gunmetal gray and bundled with MGS5.

There will very possibly be an on-stage demo of No Man’s Sky, which will go wrong in a really amusing way like oh hey planet of giant beasts that kill me the instant I get out of my ship! They’ll be all embarrassed and try to smooth it over by saying how you never know what you’ll discover in a procedurally generated universe. It will feel like they specially seeded a planet with mishap monsters for the demo. This is because they did.

They’ll announce several free-to-play titles that have been on the PC forever are coming to PS4.

During their annual INDIE DEVS LOVE US, AND WE LOVE THEM dance routine, they’ll talk about how their relationship with indie devs resulted in games such as “the award-winning Journey”. They will then announce a PS4 port of Journey, and it will be available later tonight.

We’ll see some of the third party games we saw earlier today at EA and Ubi again, and they’ll announce that they have exclusive content on Playstation. They will range from multiplayer maps to throwaway missions that nobody cares about to a fancy new hat.

The phrase “only on Playstation” will be said so often it loses all meaning.

80% of the devs doing demos will talk about how “it is possible thanks to the power of the Playstation 4”. They will do this so often you will start to feel like your life is a simulation, running on a PS4.

If God of War was shown earlier on, the closing trailer will be The Last Guardian for PS4 with a release window given at the end. If God of War was not shown, the closing trailer will be God of War.

At around 10:30 eastern tonight when their conference is over, my clairvoyance will cause you to worship me as a god

DISCUSSION (7)

PS9 > PanchoVilleneuve ST
06/15/2015 at 20:19

The Last Guardian will be revealed to be an 8-bit side scrolling survival horror zombie sim with crafting.

FF7 HD will finally be announced...as a PS 3 exclusive.

GT7 will be revealed, but in order to run at 4k 60fps on the PS4, all of the cars will be downgraded to PS2 level assets.

Shortly after these announcements, the convention center will burn to the floor and Los Angeles will be consumed in gaming related riots for 3 weeks. 500k-1m will perish.

MrDakka > PanchoVilleneuve ST
06/15/2015 at 20:42

Most important question, will PS4 players be able to download and play Fallout 4 PC mods like the Xbox One?

That way I can tell my PS4 friends to download 4k texture replacer packs and ask them if they smell fried circuits yet.

PS9 > MrDakka
06/15/2015 at 20:49

Can’t wait for the first screenshot simulator mod. Guaranteed to make your Fallout 4 game run at 5 fps, or your money back!

Rico > PS9
06/15/2015 at 20:55

This was awesome

Viggen > PS9
06/15/2015 at 21:00

GT7 release date: 2983.

PS9 > Viggen
06/15/2015 at 21:01

*GT7 Prologue

Viggen > PS9
06/15/2015 at 21:02

Wonder if they bought a new Dyson to record audio with.